walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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