My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
