I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
