Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
where does the pee come out of this thing
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
