matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I currently don't understand fingers.
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