Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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