just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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