Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
