my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
