i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
