1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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