you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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