You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
