Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What a dumb baby whore.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
