I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
