just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
