Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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