i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
