What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
