My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
