I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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