My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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