Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
