I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
