My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
