I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
