I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
