I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
