saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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