Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize