i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
