well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
