Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize