It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
