I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
