We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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