People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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