Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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