i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
