1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have tasted many bathrooms
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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