Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
