I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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