his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize