Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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