why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
