The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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