What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
