Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
one might say we're banned from that church
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize