It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
