Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
