Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
