It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
