Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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