Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
