the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he was CRYING into my vagina
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
