I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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