Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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