I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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