she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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