sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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