Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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