Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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