Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
