honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
