Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and she was petting her beer can
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
