a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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