I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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