i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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