$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
