I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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