I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
