rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
