i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
