I just cut my nipple shaving
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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