i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
