I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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