She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Drunk is not a location!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
