I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
