Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
