He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
