Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize