help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
