This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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