just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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