chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
