I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize