Porn is love you can see.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
