Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
