Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
