I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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